Ablogalypse Now

TBS is killing the MLB playoffs

Witless, uninteresting, and uninspired commentators. Entirely TOO FUCKING MANY commercials - even for the LCS. Chip Caray, Bob Brenly and Tony Gwynn? What the fucking fuck?

Brenly and Gwynn obviously have experience, but Chip Fucking Caray? Together the 3 of them sound like Jon Lovitz, Kevin Nealon and Phil Hartman doing their old Tonto, Tarzan and Frankenstein routine on SNL.

WHAT THE FUCK? They didn't even show the goddamned team introductions?

Fuck you TBS.

Fuck "Frank TV."

Fuck your stupid fucking network.

Arizona baseball fans are pathetic

Even though the D-Backs are having a pretty damned good year  so far, all season long the attendance has been in the high teens and low 20's. We've had pitchers throw complete games and even flirt with shutouts while the miserable buffoons in the stands sit on their asses and yawn. Every time those miserable perennial losers the Chicago Cubs come to town their fans cheer louder than our fans. And so it was last night as the D-backs squared off against the American League leading Boston Red Sox.

Every at-bat, every hitter and every hit got 10 times as much applause as the same effort made by a hometown player.

Try to imagine how that must have felt for the guys on the field. Would you want to stay in a city that consistently cheers more for the other team than they do for you?

Fuck you, Phoenix, you don't deserve a professional baseball team.

D-Backs '06: Neutered, Disgraced, DOA

This should come as no big surprise to anyone who has been following the team this year. But it is even more the case tonight, as they are on the verge of being shutout - without a hit - against a rookie pitcher with barely a dozen starts this year.

The local Fox Sports affiliate was wise to very quickly yank the silly promo that called this year's team, "A New Brand of Baseball" because it's the same, miserably pathetic display of overpriced, grab-asstic shit Arizona fans have been forced to hold their noses and eat for the past 2-3 seasons.

Here's a great fund-rasing idea, instead of a singles mixer, or the absurd "Pitch and Stitch"....how about a "Bash the D-Backs Brass" night where fans could pay $25 each to show up and hurl their favorite bobblehead doll of choice at overpaid premadonnas like Chad Tracy and all the members of the D-backs management team, who would be buried up to their necks in a pool of raw human sewage somewhere out in midfield.

::::::THIS JUST IN::::::

The Arizona Diamondbacks - after suffering yet another humilating defeat at the hands of an unknown rookie pitcher - have announced that they will buck MLB tradition next year by being the first team ever to incorporate matching skirts as part of their highly-anticipated new look for 2007.

BALCO Steroid Czar Gets 4 Months

Good fucking Christ...a whole four months? Isn't that what Martha Stewart got? There are probably kids out there doing more time for fucking pissant paraphernalia charges...remind me again how much time and money Congress just wasted beating this ridiculous bullshit into the ground?

Sox-Yanks: Manny saves Schilling's ass

Jeter just bounced one off the wall to star the game and the occasionally slothish Manny managed to throw him out at second. Cano just singled....

Pay-Wad up now...This isn't looking good for the Sox....okay, 2 down, 1 on...Scheff's up...just missed a homerun...ouch!...another one off the wall.....Schill' does not have have his good stuff...Godzilla's up now....and he takes one under the chin...and he grounds out...they'd better have a long at-bat in their half of the inning...

Big Unit Bound for Big Apple

In what has arguably been the most vigorous pre-season trade/acquistion frenzy in Diamondbacks history, the past week alone has seen the signing of pitcher Russ Ortiz, shortstop Royce Clayton and former D-Back Craig Counsell.

Now the piece de resistance seems imminent. In a 3-team deal that would send  superstar pitcher and egomaniacal whiner extraordinaire Randy Johnson to the Yankees, it appears that in return Arizona will get outfielder Shawn Green, pitcher Brad Penny and reliever Yhency Brazoban.

Fuck You, Richie - and Don't Let the Door Hit Ya!

Apparently frustrated over the fact that the Diamondbacks aren't willing to throw an assload of cash, sans conditions, at a guy who subluxated his shoulder not once, but twice last season, it looks like star slugger Richie Sexson will definitely be packing his bags and heading elsewhere for the 2005 season.

Hey, Richie - the third time's always a charm.

Here's hoping your first at-bat in whatever place you wind up will be the last of your career, you greedy bastard.

Are You Ready For Some Stupidity?

In yet another display of our society’s boundless propensity for absurdity and hypocrisy, prudish football fans and other crypto-Puritans recently cried foul over a commercial deemed too “steamy” for a Monday Night Football audience.

Let’s get one thing straight people.

If your idea of Monday Night entertainment involves getting drunk on Miller High Life and watching a bunch of neckless, steroid-addled troglodytes bash each other’s brains out over a stupid little ball then you have no fucking right – none – bitching, moaning, and complaining about the alleged impropriety and immorality of a sexy TV ad.

Schill-ing for Bush

In an appearance on ABC's Good Morning America earlier today, Boston ace Curt Schilling urged viewers to vote for incumbent weasel and pathological liar extraordinaire George W. Bush.

As disappointing as that is, I guess it's no surprise.

A Curse Reversed

Even though their 86-year drought had more to do with racism at the uppermost levels of management than the trade that sent Babe Ruth to the Yankees, the Boston Red Sox, their fans, and the baseball community can finally put the so-called Curse of the Bambino to rest for good.