Ablogalypse Now

Either Way, It's Still Fast Food....

What the FUCK is a pannido? I've been stranded on this rock for 37 years now and I'll be goddamned if I've ever heard of a fucking pannido.

It's apparently some sort of sandwich being marketed by the clowns at Jack in the Box in an attempt to show that they are anything other than a purveyor of greasy, artery-clogging gutbombs and other unhealthy culinary fare.

These marketing idiots can push their pannidos, their pitas, and other trendy shit-filled designer sandwiches but the bottom line is that it's still fast fucking food.

And another thing, if you work at a fast food place that requires a hat and a uniform, DON'T try to make yourself look cool by cocking your hat off to the side like some sort of wannabe gangsta punk. Wearing a fast food uniform looks foolish enough.

My New Favorite Drink

The Michelada

If you like Bloody Marys and Mexican beer then you might want to try one.

1/2 lime
Coarse salt
12 ounces beer, preferably a dark Mexican beer like Negra Modelo, although Corona, Pacifico or a similar light beer will work too.
Clamato
Cubed/crushed Ice

Directions:
Salt the rim of a beer mug or highball glass by slicing a lime and running it across the rim of the glass before dipping it in coarse salt. Fill with ice.
Squeeze the lime over the ice, Pour in beer, leaving an inch or two below the rim, top off the remainder with Clamato, stir and serve, adding more beer and Clamato as you sip.

If you're feeling ambitious, you can spice it up a bit with a sprinkle of ground black pepper and a dash or two of Tabasco and Worcestershire.

Enjoy!

The Spongemonkeys Must Die!!!

Up until a couple of days ago, I only knew that these two freakishly disturbing creatures were part of the most gut-wrenchingly annoying display of commercial pornography that I've ever seen.

I've since discovered that we have the British to thank for these idiotic creations known as the Spongemonkeys.

Thanks guys. Thanks a fucking lot. And thanks to the sapheaded marketing geniuses (genii?) at Quiznos for deciding that two mangled pieces of roadkill were the best way to sell a sandwich.

You know, I love a good sandwich and have often thought about going to Quizno's.

Until now. Now I can honestly say that I would sooner eat a booger out of dead man's nose than eat a Quizno's sub.

Back in the 70's, convicted "Son of Sam" killer David Berkowitz claimed that a dog told him to kill people.

What if I said that the Spongemonkeys told me to send the marketing director at Quizno's a cage of rabid wolverines, or a box of speed-addled flesh-eating beetles, or something equally hideous?

Or, how about a "Send Your Roadkill to Quizno's" Campaign? Just imagine, roadkill from all over the country being delivered to the Quizno's home office. Maybe that would get these crackheads to kill this ad campaign.

I know, I know....it's just a commercial and I can always just hit MUTE or change the channel, right?

Wrong! Commercials are specifically designed to embed themselves in your brain like those weird slugs that Khan used to control people's minds in Star Trek II.

I'm now going to bed with this obnoxious shrieking sandwich song in my head. Thanks again Quizno's.