shopocalypse now

"what would jesus buy?" looks to be a timely and brutally hilarious documentary that won't be showing in the malls, and - like most timely and substantive docs - won't be seen by the vast majority of people it hopes to shake out of their collective stupor.

fuck hillary and obama - reverend billy has my vote for president.

wwjb comes to the loft on december 7th.

check out the trailer below...

Dave's very short review of "The Mist"

With the notable exception of a well-executed drugstore sequence - shitty casting, subpar acting and production design, and a miserably botched ending turned one of Stephen King's best short stories into a mostly unsatisfying train wreck of a movie. So-so creature effects from Nicotero & Co. but not nearly enough to save this flick from a grade of C-minus at best.

ok...i have admittedly been quite harsh, perhaps moreso than is warranted. maybe i'll change my mind after a few months when the dvd comes out. i should have mentioned that this wasn't exactly what i would call a pristine viewing experience. it was a free advance screening and as such i found myself in a situation not unlike a worse than average day at the department of motor vehicles magnified by a factor of 10 or 20. i kept thinking of the hit tv show "ow! my balls!" featured in mike judge's "idiocracy." i don't give a shit if it's free, i'm never going to another one of those fucking things again.

Dave's thumbnail review of "Zodiac"

Watching David Fincher's latest was like watching a 3 motherfucking hour episode of Cold Case Files, and I hate that fucking show so, in other words, it was a huge letdown - the biggest disappointment of the goddamned year aside from Danny Boyle's "Sunshine".

massive new clive barker interview

barker has been, and continues to be my favorite fiction writer of all time...fuck eli roth AND rob zombie, barker is still the undisputed master of the horror genre.

click here for the interview.

why do tucson latinos ignore latin cinema?

i have no idea, but i'd sure love to find out, because this truly is a miserable, inexcusable disgrace...

Finally, a trailer for 'Southland Tales'

I've heard a lot about Richard Kelly's follow-up to Donnie Darko, most of it bad. Looks like some weird, wild, wacky shit. I can't wait. And with any luck, we'll get it at The Loft.

The 100 Greatest Non-English Language Films Ever

Yeah, I know, there are as many lists like this as there are grains of sand on the beach. It's still a good list though, but take it for what it's worth.

Zombie's 'Halloween' Success Sparks Jason's Rebirth

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest, yes - Rob Zombie's recent success in "re-booting" a dead franchise has inspired others to follow suit with a forthcoming 'reimagining/remake' of "Friday the 13th."

If anyone out there knows Ian McKellen, please ask him if he'd be interested in playing the lead in a reimagined version of the Vincent Price classic, "The Abominable Dr. Phibes."

Miscellania....

--Women offered for sale on eBay

--Justice Department seeks to broaden eavesdropping powers

--Kid Rock to induct Bob Seger into Rock Hall of Fame

--Theron to star in live-action version of Aeon Flux

--George Carlin sounds off on the whole indecency circus

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    Ablogalypse Now is a chronically profane journal of news, satire and personal opinion published by El Cynico and is not intended for readers under the age of 18. So if you're under 18, please leave now. Ablogalypse Now uses fictitious names in some of its satirical stories, except in cases when prominent public and historical figures are being satirized. The satirical written and photographic material on this site, and references to actual people, places, animals, insects, behavior, and/or events is meant purely in jest. All quotes by gods, celebrities, agents, spokespersons, lawyers, politicians, drug dealers, theologians, and other sources mentioned in the satirical stories on this site are completely fictional and not to be taken seriously or literally in any way, shape or form, in this life, or any other.
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