Ablogalypse Now

God sued for making terror threats

In a related story, God has called Johnny Cochran up from the bowels of Hell to help with his defense.

Blackwater: Blacklisted in Iraq

This follows an incident that killed 8 Iraqi civilians and left 13 wounded. It's not clear if this is temporary or permanent, but at least it's a start.

Dead bird cluster reported in Austin

Local health officials say there is no threat to the public, but it may take several weeks to pinpoint the cause. O-kay..... Link

Army calls dead troops back to Active Duty

I know they've been having trouble recruiting new IED fodder for the war but this is just plain ridiculous.

One More Reason I'm A Recovering Texan

Even though I left that miserably ass-backward excuse for a state nearly 30 years ago, I'm still paying the price for spending the first 25% of my life there.

In a grim reminder of the absurd neo-Puritan mindset (if you can call it that) that tends to prevail there, check out this story about an art teacher that lost her job after taking her students to an art museum exposed students to nude artwork {gasp!}.

After said field trip, one student mentioned this to his/her parent/s who subsequently complained to the school district about it. The teacher in question was immediately suspended without pay and subsequently notified that her contract would not be renewed for next year.

Who the fuck was this, John Ashcroft Jr.?!

it's a sad fucking day when one uptight Puritan halfwit can ruin things for an entire class and force a quality teacher into the poorhouse.

If you want to teach your kids that the Earth is only 6,000 years old, that a puddle of goo in a petri dish has the same right to exist as a fully developed human being, and that a vengeful, yet all-loving bearded white guy that lives in the sky will condemn them to Hell for Eternity for viewing boobies and peepees on a fucking statue - FINE.  Use some of your religious tithings to start your own stupid, New Dark Ages gulag to brainwash your ignorant progeny into beliving that tripe, but stay the fuck out of public schools - and, more importantly, public office, because this kind of ridiculous bullshit is dragging the rest of us here in the real fucking world down the fucking toilet like a 20-ton turd.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - these ignorant, irrational, flat-earth view of reality promoting, pseudo-moralizing, hyper-sermonizing, nature-denying, religious waterheads have NO PLACE in modern life other than a carnival sideshow banished to the outmost fringes of contemporary society.

The Ground Truth Trailer

The Ground Truth stunned filmgoers at the 2006 Sundance and Nantucket Film Festivals. Hailed as “powerful” and “quietly unflinching,” Patricia Foulkrod’s searing documentary feature includes exclusive footage that will stir audiences. The filmmaker’s subjects are patriotic young Americans – ordinary men and women who heeded the call for military service in Iraq – as they experience recruitment and training, combat, homecoming, and the struggle to reintegrate with families and communities. The terrible conflict in Iraq, depicted with ferocious honesty in the film, is a prelude for the even more challenging battles fought by the soldiers returning home – with personal demons, an uncomprehending public, and an indifferent government. As these battles take shape, each soldier becomes a new kind of hero, bearing witness and giving support to other veterans, and learning to fearlessly wield the most powerful weapon of all – the truth.

Fuck You Falwell, Lucifer Doesn't Exist!

And the sooner that fat, feeble-minded, theo-fascist fuckwit and his miserably ignorant flock get that through their thick, rectally-impacted skulls, the better off this country, and by extension, the world, will be.

In a related story, 4 out of 5 Falwell followers are more afraid of future House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, than they are of Spiderman's evil arch-nemesis The Green Goblin.

Fighting the fire, while feeding the flames

The unconfirmed reports of Osama bin Laden's death now circling the globe have been rendered essentially moot by the latest assessment from US intelligence agencies that the war in Iraq has helped spawn a new generation of Islamic extremists and increased the overall risk of terrorism around the world.

And yet the ever turd-like Bush Regime, and their fearful, simple-minded minions in Bass-Ackward Red State America, continues to expel huge volumes of flatulent, chest-beating propaganda about how they and they alone are the only ones who can keep this country safe.

Post-9/11 Capitol Security Foiled by A Crackhead

Yes, sports fans...$2 billion of our tax dollars has been appropriated for extra security measures at the Capitol Building since 9/11 and one lone, raving crackhead was able to get into the building - one reportedly protected by no less than 2,300 police officers - and lead the Kapitol Keystone Kops on a wild goose chase that covered all four floors.

Feel safe yet?

LSHIJPMP (Laughing So Hard I Just Pissed My Pants)

Bush Meets With Conservative Talk Turd Merchants

With the midterm elections nearly upon us, conservative sphincters are puckering from coast to coast over the very real prospect that they will be pounded harder than a groupie crack whore on Fiddy Cent's tour bus.

Proof positive is this story from Media Matters, about how Bush recently hosted a gathering of media attack dogs to start whipping his embattled legions into a bloodthirsty rage.