Bono: Limbaugh Needs New Blow-Up Sex Doll

Responding to recent allegations of infidelity leveled against him by Rush Limbaugh, a visibly irate Bono released the following statement.

“It’s quite obvious that Limbaugh has descended into a painfully humiliating form of senile dementia brought on by his longtime addiction to Oxycontin and other prescription drugs. Rumor has it that his anal cysts have returned with a vengeance and his entire body has erupted in a hideous rash of stringwarts and bleeding, pox-like pustules…he lost total control of his bowels years ago and now pisses and shits himself with such embarrassing frequency that nobody is willing to work, or even be seen in public with him anymore….not even Zell Miller is returning his calls …If the man wasn’t a menace before, he surely is now and should be banned from the airwaves as soon as possible….despite all this, I still feel a tad sorry for this miserable beast and humbly implore his legions of devoted, albeit witless, followers to pitch in and buy their beloved leader something to cheer him up, like a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20, a big bucket of KFC, and a brand new blow-up doll he can seduce and spend time with. I mean come on, the guy seriously needs to get laid…but since he obviously couldn’t get lucky if he strolled through a women’s only rehab clinic with a fist-sized rock of cocaine around his neck, I figure a blow-up fuck doll is about as good as it’s going to get for him.”