Ablogalypse Now

Tales From A Liberated Afghanistan

While the US-appointed band of stooges now "running" Iraq fellate each other over their newfound "liberation" and debate the eventual fate of Saddam Hussein, our previous experiment in transplanted democracy (e.g. Afghanistan) is in a world of hurt.

On the Early Transfer of "Power"

Although the administration and the mainstream media are spinning today's symbolic handover as a clever move designed to preempt the wave of violence that everyone expected would occur on the 30th, it is also worth mentioning that:

• The now-defunct Coalition Provisional Authority cannot account for billions of dollars in Iraqi oil money that it was supposed to be managing.
• Following the stealth transfer of power, the former head of the CPA - L. Paul Bremer - flew out of the country faster than all those Saudis in the wake of 9/11.
• Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 was the Number One movie this past weekend and smashed box office records as the biggest opening for a documentary in motion picture history.

So, rather than talking about the billions of dollars of missing Iraqi money, Paul Bremer's hasty departure and the overwhelming success of F911 - the mainstream media is now consumed with what is, at the end of the day, nothing more than an empty, symbolic gesture transfering political power from the United States to a group of stooges that were hand-picked by the United States.

Post Fahrenheit Thoughts

When my wife and I arrived at the theater yesterday evening, the line for Fahrenheit 9/11 was a good 200-300 feet long and stretched all the way from the ticket office to the opposite wall and back towards the mall entrance.

A local news team was on hand and a young reporter in a pink dress was walking around and interviewing moviegoers while attempting to keep her balance on a pair of high heels that were thin as toothpicks.

"Hey, news people," a guy a few feet behind me said as the camera swung to focus on him. "President Bush is Number ONE!!!" The man then brandished his middle finger as proof that Bush was in fact Number 1.

The crowd was definitely the largest I've seen for this type of movie, and the largest I'd seen in awhile. I typically don't like to see documentaries on the big screen but I was anxious to see if all the hype leading up to the film had been worth it.

Just then I saw an older guy toting a full-sized American flag and a folding chair walk up to a spot near the line and began to set up what I assumed was going to be some sort of anti-Moore protest table. As the guy's wife began to set up the portable table they had brought along, mall security came over and informed them that they were on private property and would have to leave if they were not going to see a movie.

After a long wait, the line finally began to move and we soon found ourselves a couple of prime seats within the theater, which was soon filled to capacity as the house the house lights went down.

What followed after was 121 minutes of the most gut-wrenchingly powerful and quite often, hilarious film footage I have ever seen.

Beginning with the stolen election of 2000, Moore paints a gripping picture of a man who was swept into office on a raft of lies and whose utter incompetence was momentarily redeemed by the national tragedy of 9/11, an event that the Bush Administration chose to exploit to keep the nation on a permanent, fear-based war footing.

Yes, Moore does rake Bush over the coals, and rightly so. But he also blasts Democrats for not speaking out against the raw injustice of the 2000 election and later, for going along with the national tide of bloodlust that preceded our invasion of Iraq.

Moore also chides the media for the 2000 election debacle and for their complete and utter failure to do their jobs prior to, and during the Iraq war.

Also criticized are the Saudi royal family, the Carlyle Group, Halliburton, and every other company that has profited from the war in Iraq.

Critics say that the film is misleading. I hate to say it, but they're right.

Moore makes no mention at all of the fact that Bush spent the first 40 years of his life as an arrogant and obnoxious alcoholic.

But seriously, I'm not sure how people can make this claim when the facts about the slimy ties that bind the Bushes, the Bin Ladens, the Saudis, Halliburton and Iraq are all laid out for everyone to see.

I suggest that Bush supporters should watch this movie and pretend that it's Bill Clinton that's being skewered. Put him in the middle of all those entangling alliances and be honest with yourself about how it would make you feel.

I seem to recall conservatives going apeshit during the Clinton Administration a few years back when all the allegations of Chinese influence peddling surfaced. If the thought of excessive Chinese influence is so bad, then why is it any different with the Saudis?

Yes, Moore does show scenes that are gruesome and heart-wrenching in their depiction of the suffering of US soldiers and Iraqis as well. But he does this to underscore the madness of an unecessary war that was justified by a series of lies and the manipulated emotions of a nation still raw from the horror of 9/11.

One of the film's more disgusting moments is at the very beginning when filmgoers are treated to the hideous sight of Paul Wolfowitz soaking his comb in his mouth before running it through his hair.

Moore covers a great deal of ground in the film and succeeds in bringing together a number of disparate threads that were either ignored or downplayed altogether by the so-called mainstream media. Most people are too damned busy or otherwise distracted to catch all this stuff as it happens and Moore does a great job of revealing all the entangling alliances that led up to the Iraq war.

Words can be damning things, and there are few images more damning than the film footage of George Dubya speaking to a well-heeled crowd and saying, "This is an impressive crowd. The haves and the have-mores. Some people call you the elite. I call you my base" or tooling around on a golf course, exhorting world leaders to fight terrorism with all their might before hoisting his golf club and saying, "Now, watch this drive!"

As Moore says, the facts laid out in F911 are irrefutable, but F9/11 is essentially an op/ed piece. As is the case with any fact, there will always be at least two different ways of looking at those facts.

Bush's detractors will see an election stolen by a dimwitted stooge of neo-conservative military-industrial interests who exploited a national tragedy to keep people in a state of perpetual fear while enriching his base and imposing an Orwellian domestic agenda.

Bush supporters will see a valid election that was validated even further by 9/11 and that everything since has been right, good, and necessary because of America's position as the sole remaining superpower.

Either way, anyone who truly cares about this country owes it to themselves to see the facts for themselves and to think long and hard about where we've been, where we are, and where we're going.

ADDENDUM

I went to see it again last night. This time at a different theater. There were fewer people this time around and the crowd was less rowdy than the one that showed up for opening night.

Hasta la Vista, Doggie

In what has to be one of the most brutal money-saving measures ever proposed, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to repeal a 1998 law mandating a 6-day grace period before a stray animal is put down.

Arnold says that his idea would save local animal control shelters $14 million dollars a year.

One has to wonder how long it’ll be before this ham-headed Austrian halfwit will take it one step further by completely eliminating the shelter grace period and making it OK for the poor and homeless to hunt stray animals for food, rather than relying on food stamps and other types of government assistance.

Jane's Addiction Self-Destructs, Again

Some things are just not meant to last.

The confluence of people and their respective experiences at a certain time and place comprise a unique snapshot that can never be reproduced no matter how hard people may try. The past is the past. There can be no going back.

Such is the case with Jane’s Addiction who, after yet another attempt to re-capture some of the magic that made them alternative music legends, have decided to call it quits once again.

I’ve seen the band 5 times over the past 15 years and as far as live performances go, for what they do, they are simply unparalleled in my book.

Although I wasn’t surprised to hear of the latest breakup, I have to say that I was quite saddened.

I’d truly hoped that the latest incarnation of the band would somehow manage to shake off the volatility that has characterized Jane’s since their heyday in the late ‘80’s and early ‘90’s and string together at least one more studio album before going up in flames.

While “Strays” was a strong musical effort, in now way did it even come close to the sonic brilliance of “Nothing’s Shocking” or “Ritual de lo Habitual.”

I realize such comparisons are unfair and unrealistic but I had hoped for something a bit more epic.

But once again, fans of the band have been left wondering why the fuck it is that these guys can’t stay together for more than a year or two.

I’m sure they will probably “re-unite” yet again at some point down the road to tour and to milk the memory of their former glory for all it’s worth.

And like a sucker, I will probably be there, with a beer in one hand and a big fat joint in the other, rocking out, and trying to relive a bit of the youthful magic that once seemed so timeless, but has now become a fading memory of what used to be.

Cheney Comes Unglued

WASHINGTON (FUBAR NewsWire) - With the Bush Administration now taking more hits than Apollo Creed in Rocky IV, an obviously stressed-out and miserable Dick Cheney yesterday cut loose with the F-bomb during a hostile exchange with Senator Patrick Leahy on the Senate floor.

What wasn't reported in the mainstream news however, was Cheney's disheveled appearance and visibly erratic behavior that preceded the profane outburst.

An eyewitness who asked to remain anonymous told FUBAR NewsWire that Cheney showed up at the Senate unbathed and unshaven, with his shirt untucked and his tie draped loosely around his neck.

The witness said that Cheney's nose was coated in a white powdery substance that was believed to be his heart medication, which sources say Cheney has recently started snorting, rather than ingesting orally as prescribed by his doctors.

Red-eyed and visibly intoxicated, Cheney then produced a small botlle of Gusano Rojo mescal and downed it in one long pull before eating the worm and flinging the empty bottle against the wall of the Senate and launching into a bizarre drunken tirade that appeared to have been inspired by the 1983 movie, "Scarface."

"I neva fucked anybody over in my life who didn't have it comin' to 'im, you got that? All I have in this world is my balls, and my word, and I don't break 'em for no one, jou understand?...."I'm Tony Montana! You fuck wit me, you fuckin' wit da best!""

It was at this point that Senator Leahy attempted to defuse the situation by appealing to the Vice President's sense of decorum and common decency.

"Dick!!! Get a grip on yourself, man!!!" Leahy said as he slapped the Vice President in the face several times. "You're the goddamned Vice President for crying out loud!!! What the hell has gotten into you?? I know things have been a bit rough for you lately but for God's sake you have to calm the fuck down!!!! This is the Senate, and we have rules!!!"

Leahy's appeal fell on deaf ears however as Cheney suddenly rushed at the elder Senator and knocked him to the floor.

"Eh, fuck you, man!"Cheney said as he jabbed his finger wildly at Leahy, "Who put this thing together? Me, that's who! Who do I trust? Me! I don't need him, I don't need her. Everything is roses; I don't need nobody....Why don't you try stickin' jou head up jour ass -- see if it fits!"

At that point, Cheney seemed to become even more enraged and started rushing around the room while howling like a madman and breaking everything in sight.

Cheney then climbed up on a table, dropped his pants and, looking at no one in particular, began urinating on the floor while singing Sinatra's, "My Way."

Then, after draining the voluminous contents of his bladder, Cheney staggered a bit before mumbling, finally, "Say goodnight to the bad guy." and collapsing to the floor in a drunken heap.

Witnesses say that medics quickly arrived on scene and whisked Cheney away to his formerly undisclosed location deep beneath Raven Rock Mountain on the Maryland-Pennsylvania border.

Lollapalooza 2004 D.O.A.

With only three weeks to go before the start of the tour, Lollapalooza 2004 - despite sporting one of the most diverse lineups ( The Pixies, Wilco, String Cheese Incident, Sonic Youth, Michael Franti & Spearhead and Morrisey among others) in the tour's history - has been officially shit-canned due to abysmally low ticket sales.

The tour's organizers cite low ticket sales all the way across the board for this summer's concert season and there may be some truth to that as Clear Channel recently offered a one-day promotion for several upcoming concerts in Phoenix (including Kiss/Poison, The Dead, and Rush) where lawn seats were offered for $20 each.

But I wonder if the failure of this year's 'Palooza couldn't be connected to other factors.

For one thing, the tour switched to a two-day Bonnaroo-esque format this time around but only 4 of the tour's scheduled 16 stops fell on a Saturday/Sunday weekend.

In addition, the economy is generally still pretty flat, and teenagers are facing the shittiest summer job market in a long fucking time.

And despite the impressive diversity of this year's lineup the sad fact is that most of the bands heading up the roster are largely unknown to today's youth market, who still seem more enamored with insipid gangsta rap, hip hop and r&b ala 50-Cent, Lil John, Usher and God knows who the fuck else.

At any rate, after last year's triumphant return that featured Jane's Addiction, Audioslave, Incubus, and A Perfect Circle among others, this is definitely sad news for Lollapalooza fans and for music in general.

Another Kinky Republican Outed

Actress Jeri Ryan (Boston Public, Star Trek: Voyager) is accusing ex-husband and Illinois Republican senatorial candidate Jack Ryan of being a latter-day Marquis de Sade who took her to sex clubs in New York, Paris, and New Orleans and also tried to get her to have sex with another man while he watched.

What an e-Loser

In what has to be the most desperate and sad cry for help I've ever seen, a British teenager has just admitted to the whole world that he is too much of a social leper to get laid the old-fashioned way and has put his virginity up for sale on e-Bay.

Israeli Meddling Promotes Instability In Iraq

This definitely isn't helping things.