The Spongemonkeys Must Die!!!

Up until a couple of days ago, I only knew that these two freakishly disturbing creatures were part of the most gut-wrenchingly annoying display of commercial pornography that I've ever seen.

I've since discovered that we have the British to thank for these idiotic creations known as the Spongemonkeys.

Thanks guys. Thanks a fucking lot. And thanks to the sapheaded marketing geniuses (genii?) at Quiznos for deciding that two mangled pieces of roadkill were the best way to sell a sandwich.

You know, I love a good sandwich and have often thought about going to Quizno's.

Until now. Now I can honestly say that I would sooner eat a booger out of dead man's nose than eat a Quizno's sub.

Back in the 70's, convicted "Son of Sam" killer David Berkowitz claimed that a dog told him to kill people.

What if I said that the Spongemonkeys told me to send the marketing director at Quizno's a cage of rabid wolverines, or a box of speed-addled flesh-eating beetles, or something equally hideous?

Or, how about a "Send Your Roadkill to Quizno's" Campaign? Just imagine, roadkill from all over the country being delivered to the Quizno's home office. Maybe that would get these crackheads to kill this ad campaign.

I know, I know....it's just a commercial and I can always just hit MUTE or change the channel, right?

Wrong! Commercials are specifically designed to embed themselves in your brain like those weird slugs that Khan used to control people's minds in Star Trek II.

I'm now going to bed with this obnoxious shrieking sandwich song in my head. Thanks again Quizno's.